A short time ago, I was trying to explain my youthful addiction to kids’ radio. In the 1940s, virtually every day, from five pm to six pm (weekdays), I listened to four fifteen-minute adventure serial episodes: Superman, Sky King, Jack Armstrong: The All-American Boy, and The Green Hornet. In the evening, there was The Lone Ranger.
Superman was thrilling, especially when Clark Kent said, “This is a job for Superman,” and in becoming so, his voice (another actor) changed. Then, “Up, up and Away!” And off he flew. When he had Batman as a guest crime-buster, that was extra great.
Then there was Jack Armstrong. He was a high school student at Hudson High, somewhere (I think) in the Midwest. His friends were Billy, Betty, and Uncle Jim. From 1933 until 1951, they traveled the world solving mysterious adventures. School? Never mind, until someone complained about their lack of schooling. Then the show added a go-along tutor.
Jack was an inventor who created devices to help solve crimes. Some of those devices would be offered as premiums, such as A Secret Egyptian Whistling Ring, an Explorer Telescope, or a Dragon’s Eye Ring. One could get these vital tools by sending a Wheaties box top (or two). Did anyone (besides me) want them?
Jack’s Hike-o-Meter brought in some 70,000 orders a day! According to John Dunning’s On the Air: The Encyclopedia of Old-time Radio.
Wheaties, the breakfast cereal sponsor, even had a theme song.
Have you tried Wheaties?
They’re whole wheat with all the bran!
For wheat is the best food for man!
They’re crispy. They’re crunchy
The whole year through.
Jack Armstrong never tires of them
And neither will you!
So just buy Wheaties
The best breakfast food in the land!
Curiously, what I remember best about Jack Armstrong was that when a particular adventure ended, the characters had a party. I kid you not. During this party, they would reminisce about their adventure and sing familiar songs, but ended up singing an 1876 song called My Grandfather’s Clock.
The many verses started off with:
My grandfather’s clock was too large for the shelf
So it stood 90 years on the floor.
It was taller by half than the old man himself
And it weighed not a penny’s weight more
And it ended with:
But it stopped short, never to go again
When the old man died.
Just as the song ended, a phone could be heard ringing.
“Hello. Jack Armstrong here.”
“Jack, this is the Police Commissioner. I need you to come down to the office right away.”
And another adventure would begin.
I adored these shows, and I firmly believe that in some fashion they influenced my writing, long before I ever thought of becoming a writer. Hardly a wonder that my most unusual book is titled Who Was That Masked Man Anyway? It’s unusual because it is one hundred percent dialogue. Not one, “he said,” or “she said.”
My homage to radio.
It tells the story of two boys — radio-obsessed — and their adventures. I think it’s the funniest book I’ve ever written. When called upon, I love reading passages from it at public readings.
The title derives from the final line always spoken at the end of every The Lone Ranger episode. Those words were followed by a distant “Hi-ho Silver! Away,” and the stirring music of Rossini’s The William Tell Overture.
Who was That Masked Man Anyway? includes brief excerpts from radio shows, which echo what my heroes are doing. Because of the plot, I had to invent a brief episode of my own creation. As I wrote it, I had the thought: This is the kind of writer I should have become. A kids’ radio serial writer.
Ah, the road (or airwaves) not taken.